Suellen's Musings

Talking Turkey

Thanksgiving morning Glenda and I ran the Thundercloud Turkey Trot  5 miler side by side. Glenda is finishing her recovery from the San Antonio marathon, so she felt like she didn't have to race it but wanted to run it with me.  I am thankful for that...I'm not at all sure I would've finished without her. I sort of hate to say it, but the race this year had plenty of problems.  In the past this race has been well-run and the course has been the same each year.  They have always had signs for people to line up in their approximate paces, for a more orderly start, and the runners have always been separated from the walkers. None of that happened this year, it was a zoo from start to finish. And oh my goodness the hills!!  This was a new course and hillier than the old one.  The uphills are hard, of course, and at least one of the downhills was so steep it really pounded my joints a little. There were 11,000 people running and walking this thing, I was never out of a crowd of people. It was almost claustrophobic, and occasionally it was impossible to pass people who were walking in the crowd. Oh, and by the time I was done (and there were at least several hundred walkers and some runners still on the course) there was water left, but that was all...no oranges, no bagels, no bananas...no food left at all.

So now that I've got my whining and complaining out of the way, I should probably talk a little about how it went. :-)  I did the race with Glenda coaxing me onward. It was an overcast and humid morning, but I found the air temperature comfortable...I was more concerned about humidity. Some people were wearing long sleeves and talking about the cold, but it was in the 50's.  I couldn't decide if I had just adjusted to Rhode Island weather again or if I was just out of the breeze or something. I would become extremely hot and sweaty before the race was over, and Glenda decided that it was warm and sticky, too.

We seeded ourselves as well as we could guess in the pack and the airhorn sounded...9+ minutes later we crossed the start line. It was truly a madhouse, beginning with a pretty serious bottle neck at the starting chute. The first mile had small rollers and a little nice steady downhill, a little uphill too.  As usual it was my fastest mile. Mile two was significantly longer, but it also contained the start of the bigger hills. Mile 3 and 4 were even longer as pushed I through the biggest hills, with Glenda telling me I looked strong and that I had strong leg muscles that could do this....my legs felt like screaming at her...but my head knew she was right. That doesn't mean I didn't smart off at her though. :-)

The last mile was actually my second fastest. As usual I kicked it at the end, but I think this time it was because I just wanted to be done! I'd finished an unexpectedly difficult race.

You'd think as much as I complained here that I wish I hadn't done this race, but actually I am not sorry at all. I just think if I pick a Thanksgiving race next year it will be something else that weekend that is a more reasonable size. Once a race gets this big it is bound to develop some issues that will eventually need working out. I was glad to run into some people I knew, both from Rogue and from other areas of my life. I was glad to have made it through what, by my own estimation, and Glenda's (as well as a few other people we've heard from) was a really pretty challenging course.  And finally I'm pretty pleased that, though my showing was not particularly impressive I had a personal record time for this particular race that was over 10 minutes faster than my previous time.  Granted the last time was in 2006 and it was, I think my first 5-miler, but still...

Things that occur to you in airports

You might think I love airports and airplanes the amount I travel.  Really though, flying is just a very necessary evil.  I do, however, find myself often letting my thoughts drift while I am waiting for a delayed flight...or sitting on a plane.  These are mostly times when it is hard to do any work (which I do all the time it seems).

The most recent revelation happened while I was walking down the nearly deserted concourse at the Austin airport last night very late.  It occurred to me that I am much too familiar, almost comfortable with living a fragmented life pieced together in segments and without a real home base. I go home to Austin, I go home to Kingston, I even go home to see my family in Madison, but isn't the same as having a "home place." No matter how comfortable is has become, it is a little sad.

Betwixt and Between

Maybe it's my wild schedule.  Maybe it's the 12-15 hour work days. I don't know. But I am sitting here on the eve of the San Antonio marathon...alone in my livingroom...after a 13 hour Saturday and with plenty more to do. I wanted to be in SA having dinner and laughing with the crew. I want to be on the course tomorrow cheering them. It's not going to happen. 

Hell, I just want to feel like a part of something. I no longer feel like I am quite a member of my group in Austin. What is more difficult is that I have traveled so much...or had classes...that I feel very disconnected from my group here too. 

I do run with the group when I can. And i've even run with someone one-on-one. And I run with Riff Raff in Austin, when I am there, when I can.

With all of this craziness, rather than feeling connected to two places (which is my ultimate desire), I feel disconnected from everyplace and ultimately everyone. 

Of course, it is possible that I am just exhausted and overwhelmed.

Run for the Water

My last race was the Zoo Run in Madison, WI at the end of September.  That isn’t really very long ago in the scheme of things and I was fine with just running my miles every week, enjoying it actually. I’d been racing a lot and had been trying to take a break to avoid burnout.  Then, suddenly it seemed that all of my Austin friends were running races, and my Rhode Island buddies were running races, serving us race directors (and thus trying to drum up runners) or trying to get groups together for one race or another. I began to feel seriously isolated and left out.  So after some thought and conversation with those in the know, I decided to do one or two races before marathon training starts for sure in the winter.

 

The Run for the Water 5K was my choice for the first race. It was advertised as flat and fast (although I’ve never seen a course described as “hilly” and “slow”) and it seemed like a good race to do mostly just for fun, but also to push myself just a little.

 

This race was part of a larger morning full of races. The 10-miler was first, starting early in the morning, then the Kid’s K and then us. Glenda and I arrived in time to cheer for a good number of the 10-mile runners, including many we knew. It was fun to be able to give a shout out to people!

 

We did our warm up during the Kid’s K.  Glenda was keeping me company at this run by running at my pace, so she was warming up with me.  It was too funny, though, that she got so interested in watching the little kids doing their run on the road (and they are cute, I admit) that I wasn’t sure she was with me on the sidewalk during the warm-up.

 

Then it was our turn.  I was trying to concentrate on finding a smooth, relaxed pace. I just wanted to try to remember to keep my chin up, bend my legs, breathe…and smile! The first mile was fast as it was virtually all downhill or flat…so far so good on the flat and fast description.  I felt pretty good with Glenda by my side urging me on. Ran my first sub-12 minute mile in quite a while. 

 

The came the cruel irony of most “flat and fast’ courses…the HILL. Almost every course has one and this was no exception.  This hill led to the overpass on MoPac (the highway for those who don’t know Austin).  Fortunately we got to turn around and start back down right after that.  I maintained a steady, though slower, pace and made it to the top and turned around. But I have to admit,I turned around with my legs feeling like lead and my lungs on fire. (I do this why? J Oh, yeah, I like it!) 

 

At least I got to catch my breath and let my legs recover a little coming downhill and into a flat stretch. And since it was an out and back, I could pretty much predict what was coming around each corner.  I knew that I would finish on a long slow incline, just like I’d started on a long slow down hill. Part of my mind was telling me I couldn’t do this…I have definitely got to learn to turn off that part of my mind. I tried to stay steady up the last little hill.  I wasn’t running nearly as relaxed as when I started, but I could see the finish.  I decided to do a little pick up, which a short time later became a little kick and then I was sprinting hard. I was half hoping to get back below 40 minutes for a 5K.  I didn’t quite make that, my time was 40:38.  But the Zoo Run was 43:30. It is hard to know how much of the difference was the course, but I know that at least some of it was me. And that’s all I need to know!

Where are we going and what am I doing in this handbasket?

I was in Chicago when Obama was elected. I was, more precisely in a hotel room in Oak Brook IL, but the place was electric anyway. I flew home for a few days still in the glow. 

Life seemed good. Then Glenda had a sore jaw that turned into two hours in the dentist's chair, which is very hard for her. And I want to be helpful, but I always feel pretty useless.

And I am swamped with work, and trying to get some done when....

the coup de grac (or however you spell it) swoops down and grabs me.  I got an e-mail from my mom...my cousin Scott, who I saw just last August at a family reunion and spent a lot of time talking with, died. His birthday is/was Halloween. He had just turned 44. I was 8 when he was born and I remember it very well. He was very blond and very fair as a child and we used to tell him that his Halloween origins gave him his ghostly appearance.  It is seeming a bit ironic at the moment.

Just for the record, he was diagnosed with cancer only 3 weeks ago. And he is the second of my younger cousins to go before me. 

Scouting all over the place

It seems as though my brain has been all over the place lately...writing, researching, grading, preparing my annual review, etc.

Now it appears as though I am physically all over the place. I am in Chicago this week. I present a paper at a conference on Monday morning. On November 15, I have to drive up to teach a class in Durham, NH. On November 18, I drive to Worcester, MA.  it appears I will be in Annapolis, MD reviewing Creative IT proposals for the NSF, November 20-22. And then in Austin at Thanksgiving. After that I will finish out the semester (including one more trip to Worcester, MA) and then come back to Austin for Winter break on Dec. 11 and be there for about a month, but sometime in there we will have to go to Wisconsin for Christmas and Maeve's birthday.

At the same time, I am trying to up my running miles, so I guess I am all over the place that way too.

At this point I'm at the point where it is amazing that I am not completely lost...but I'm definitely in that "if it's Sunday it must be Chicago" mode.

Clothes: an update

While I am losing clothes from my wardrobe daily and I am about to start a more serious running plan that will up my mileage, and possibly exacerbate the issue, at least I was able to find some clothes this weekend, and if i find the time to do i may investigate one more Columbus Day Sale.

I do shop at the finest Emporiums and Boutiques, mostly so that I'm not out much if things don't fit for very long.  This latest trip was no exception...

Two pairs of brown pants (one plain, one pinstriped) and sort of a feminine blazer and 2 tanks for underneath blazers at Walmart (yes, you read that right)

Three shirts of various styes and colors (Brown, green, bright red) at Kohl's.  Also at Kohl's I bought a pair of shoes...with heels! I haven't worn anything with a heel more than an inch to an inch and a half in twenty years, at least. I had minor knee surgery then and heels were painful.  These seemed pretty comfortable, and have about a 2 and a half or maybe three inch stacked heel (no platforms or stilettos for me!). And not to brag, but I actually seem to have the legs to wear heels now.

I may, if there is time between all the crazy things that need to be done today, run up to the Columbus Day Sale at Fashion Bug.

Yay, for 'the finer shops!.

Prepare to hate me

Friends, particularly female friends...please be prepared to hate me for bemoaning the problem I am having.  Many folks would pay to have this problem.

I had to get rid of another pair of dress pants this week because they were too big... they were my only brown ones so now, until I can find another pair that fits well, half of my tops don't work or work only with jeans.  I do wear my best jeans to work on ocassion, but usually prefer skirts or dress pants on teaching days. I have a dressy sweater that I am holding on to, but it is on the edge of too big.  I haven't even tried the rest of last year's sweaters. I am afraid that most of them won't fit. It is heading rapidly toward sweater season.

I am also losing those kind of clothes that you lounge around in, two or three pajama tops will have to go. Having armholes so big that if you turn a certain way you will expose various parts of your anatomy is not only obscene, it is uncomfortable. And just this morning I noticed that a pair of sweats was too worn.

RATS! I am terrible at shopping, even worse at it by myself with no one to encourage me to spend the money on myself (on the whole, except for running clothes I am much more likely to spend on others than on me).

Scariest of all.  My mileage is way down as I try to figure out some of the issues from the summer that I thought might go away when I got back here. I am slowly trying to pick it back up...but my eating habits haven't changed much either way...so what happens to the rest of my wardrobe when the miles increase.

There are much worse problems I know, and I've had worse problems myself, but it is annoying, at least.

What I am. Not what I do.

For the longest time I have thought of running as something I *did* or tried to do.  I said I was a runner, because how else do you put it?

Last summer in the midst of my struggles with blood sugar and heat and feeling slow and sick and like I didn't fit in, I got an e-mail from Panther telling me that I already was a runner and to sit with it for awhile and see how it fit. It was a tough concept for me. Don't get me wrong, I already loved running. I missed it when I couldn't do it, but it was a do, not a be.  I promised I would sit with it. By the time I left Austin, I told Panther I was still sitting with it.

And I have been, but just this week, somewhere during a windy run on the seawall with spray blowing in my face and a nutty puddle-stomping run on the bike path, it became a *be* not just a do. I'm not faster or anything else, but I *am* a runner.

I shared this with a colleague today who is Native American...and I loved the way she put it.  You are now a runner just like I am a Native American, it is part of who you are. It was always there...you have just embraced it.

Amen to that.

Questions? Why not?

Shorey had this list of questions on her blog with her answers, and I thought...why not? I haven't blogged in a while.

1. What is your occupation right now?

Assistant Professor

2. What color are your socks right now?

I'm barefoot, like I usually am at home

3. What are you listening to right now?

History channel

4. What was the last thing you ate?

Homemade lowfat Reuben

100 calorie Lorna Doones

5. Can you drive a stick shift?

Only if I want to roll backward down hills a lot

6. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

Glenda

7. Do you like the person who inspired you to answer these questions?

If I didn't, would I have read her blog and answered the questions? Of course I like her.

8. How old are you today?

52 (beats the alternative)

9. What is your favorite sport to watch?

Football and basketball on TV, Basketball in person, Triathlon and running if someone I know is participating

10. What is your favorite drink?

Diet pepsi, Leinenkugel Beer with a slice of orange

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?

Regularly

12. Favorite food

Not sure I have an absolute favorite, but I'd have to say Tex-Mex and BBQ when in TX and Sea Food in RI

13. What was the last movie you watched?

I don't see many, no patience to sit that long...but I think it was Wall-E  a very good movie!

14. Favorite day of the year?

Any day that I get to spend with people I love (or even like).  I spend a lot of time alone.

15. How do you vent anger?

Unfortunately for the most part I don't...to my detriment. A good run can help though

16. What was your favorite toy as a child?

Bicycle, pogo stick, Barbies (I actually liked Midge the best)...the box anything came in ;-)

17. What is your favorite season?

Autumn, hands down.  My birthday falls in this season, I like the crisp weather and I love the perfusion of colors that I grew up with and that I get here.  I mean, think about it, those leaves are dying, but they aren't going out easy, but rather in a blaze of glory. I may be warped but I often think what a joy that is. 

18. Cherries or blueberries?

Depends, fresh? Or in a sauce or pie?

19. Living arrangement?

Right at this second, a 2 bedroom apartment in a complex primarily inhabited by grad students, new faculty and retirees.

20. When was the last time you cried?

I wouldn't know, I cry at TV shows and stuff...I cry at kleenex commercials.  But I guess the last time I cried because I was sad was the week before my birthday because I was miserable about being so far from everyone back there in Texas and the midwest on the actual birthday.

21. What's on the floor of your closet?

shoes, suitcases, a few boxes of outsize clothes

22. What did you do last night?

Ate tuna salad and crackers for dinner (because I was out of everything) then threw on my sweatshirt over my sweatpants and t-shirt and schlepped off to the market, hoping I wouldn't see anyone I knew.  9:15 last night...just when I should've started drinking and carousing! ;-)

23. What inspires you?

People who are a direct part of my life and  who touch me on an  intellectual or emotional level.

24. What are you most afraid of?

That is too personal to share

25. Favorite dog breed?

I like all dogs, but beagles are my favorite.

26. Favorite day of the week?

Right now Thursday

27. In how many states have you lived?

4 (Iowa, Wisconsin, Texas, Rhode Island)